“How do I convince someone to do the (Personal Development) Training/Work that I Have?”
An FAQ from Personal Development students
This question came from a student in a one of my Workshops last week. The participants were a group of student leaders at a local university. One of the returning students (who's participated in more than one workshop) was reflecting on how the workshops and training activities have impacted her and specifically wanted to know how to convince her Dad to do some Personal Development Training. I get this question A LOT – whether someone’s asking for their adult child, spouse/partner, parent, friend, or co-worker:
“I’ve done some personal development work. How do I get someone else to do the same?”
The short answer is you can’t – unless they want to…
Assuming the person is easy to speak to and you have a good, established rapport with them, the first attempt should be to speak with them directly. Tell them how training has impacted you, what you’ve gained from it, why you think it could be beneficial for them, and ask whether they’d be open to doing it themselves.
But when I get a question like this, it’s usually from someone asking on behalf of another who’s likely not going to be receptive to it. If this is the case, you may not be able to convince them directly. Think about it. How do you react when someone wants to convince you of something that you’re not especially open to at the moment? Chances are that you’ll shut them down because 1) they’re asking you for something when 2) they’re not reading your mood and 3) they’re not meeting you where you’re at – that is, they seem more interested in what they want to tell you instead of what you may want to hear from them.
You can’t convince anyone to do anything that will help them. They have to want it so that they’ll be open to it. Self-work requires vulnerability, and someone has to be willing to be open. So, you can’t convince them, but you may be able to influence them.
What you CAN do to influence others to do personal development work
When you do any kind of training or reflective/growth work, the only thing you can do effectively is to focus on you. Focus on your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. Notice the changes within yourself and how you interact with others.
Over time, you’ll likely feel better about yourself, you’ll make better decisions, and even take different actions. Other people will notice too. They’ll notice the extra pep in your step, that you’re more confident, less stressed, and that you’re treating others better. Whether you planned it or not, your self-work will positively impact your environment and may even positively influence those around you.
If those around you are paying attention, they’ll likely already know what to attribute the changes to. If they don’t, they may eventually ask you, and that’s your chance to talk about what you did for yourself, your journey, and you’ll have your invitation to encourage them to do the same.
Bottom line: It’s great that you want to share your growth journey with others. Just remember that it’s a personal growth journey, so that first step is ultimately up to the person taking it.
